LIFE happens harder And faster in 2014 | Q: Do children STILL aspire to...???

"I admired EVERYTHING about her And so I grew up, even after her passing away, wanting to look just like she And the other beautiful black women surrounding me" 

                            

< ---- In the snippet above I'm speaking of my mother: "Having Tea With My Sisters"

She, to me, wasA beautiful example of whatA mother, wife, sister, daughter, neighbor, friend should be!.. After her passing... my 8th grade teacher (Mrs Ruth Taylor) became my hero... in latter years, forA period, it was my aunt (Brenda)... And even since - I have women that I look to And respect.

I'm preparing for my return trip home (reminiscing about my childhood) As I reflect, I wonder.. .. .. Are the days gone that WE are nurturing strong inspiring examples to our children ??? Do children still aspire to grow up to be just like their mom dad aunt uncle teacher ???

LIFE seems to happen harder and faster in 2014. Are we positioned (morally financially spiritually) to be examples; to our youth I guess would be a better question?

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Give And Take

I PERSONALLY believe a sizable portion of maintaining a relationship has much to do with compromise and give And take.

My ex gave a little in our relationship; I took a little... I gave a little; he took a little And that worked well for a time. I was happily on the receiving end in one aspect of the relationship And I realized I should have been just as happy in my GIVING to him in another, and - I was - more than happy... In my giving, however, I noticed he was slightly annoyed by what he perceived, in me, to be too strong of a self image; mistakenly I might add. I definitely had insecurities - we all do - some of us more than others... In identifying my insecurities, however, I did the greater rather than the lessor.................... Chapter 1 "Having Tea With My Sisters"

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It's my praises you should sing!

"Having Tea With My Sisters" pg. 77 & 78
(Sam this was written with you in mind)

"Tarin’ me down"

Tare me down? But I’m your sister Black.

Whoever coined the phrase “Sticks and stones may break my bones but your words can never hurt me,” stated only a partial truth...
Yes, sticks and stones may break my bones – but the truth be told
Your words – they also hurt...

Walking down the street, afraid to walk past a crowd of my brothers. My head is bowed.
Yeah, I know what you’re thinking – you’re so ignorant you say it out loud

Okay! So my hair is short, and it’s little kinky
But you should realize King, these locs…these curls hold decades of African Culture…YOUR history.

Since you don’t know maybe I outta tell you so
I‘m a Queen. And you… you are a King,
It is my praises you should sing.
Extol Me
You I will raise high…High Black above the sky

The young Black mind needs to be trained,
The intellect refined
Worthy of love; of elevation
Not ignorance or humiliation

We must learn to invigorate and stimulate wealth and Power of the mind.
Wait a minute. Listen...
: a person or thing having great influence, force, or authority; Power defined.

Love me your Sister… Admire my wide spread eyes and beautiful brown skin.
Tarin me down should be a sin
I desire to be elevated, my Brother, not hated

Let the Love you have for a Sister
ALL Sisters be positively communicated.

Author: Pamella Coffey

www.Havingteawithmysisters.com     www.facebook.com//HTWMS

Twitter: Pamella @PoodleTweeting

my quirky behaviors...

I've learned that WE can go thru life NOT hating ourselves but NOT really loving ourselves either... I know - for myself - I had to learn to embrace each of my quirky behavior(s)...

                                                                                                         www.Havingteawithmysisters.com

I embrace the fact that I'm sometimes wrong - And I sometimes make mistakes - I embrace my sometimes slurred speech And my occasional stutter... I realize I can sometimes be introverted shy And slightly withdrawn... I embrace the fact that my written communication is often times better than my verbal... I embrace my long skinny legs And tiny physic... my big teeth And thin lips *And I could go on*

I've learned to move thru LIFE loving myself which frees me up And allows me to be open And freely love others... I've further learned (And tho it's unfortunate) WHEN we Are not happy - And IF we dislike ourselves – it's likely – we will almost effortlessly but most certainly dislike others.

I don't know *shoulder shrug* maybe it's scripture, genetics, or possibly my zodiac sign ??? - ummm, tho I AM NO WHERE NEAR PERFECT !!! .. .. .. .. .. .. .. I reiterate "NO where near" lbs I personally believe it's not hard nor should it be all that complicated to love one another 

Having Tea With My Sisters

www.havingteawithmysisters.com

• Some of us look to be reminded that we are unique beautiful and complex in our own individual right… And we are – ALL of that.

BE truth BE genuine BE beauty BE love

Has It Always Been

Has it always been the sultry sound of jazz softly playing?

Shhhh… listen. 

pitter-pat… tap  tap   tap

- The rain is falling, just, outside my windowpane. 

- The look of a well-groomed tastefully dressed man

with strong yet gentle hands

- The first lick of my favorite ice cream cone "mmmmmm"

- The fresh scent of my—clean—bare skin

- The ability to talk it all over with a close male friend

- Chowin’ down on some good ole collard-greens and hot water cornbread fried crispy but not too thin

- My own reflection in the mirror

… My favorite dress fitting me just right

- The anticipation of being with the man I adore

On, in, and all through the night

- Some 'Down Home Country Blues' You see I’ve always liked the blues

- Walking on a cool tile floor [toes painted pretty] I have on no shoes.

Just a few things that have always turned me… 

Author Pamella Coffey | Having Tea With My Sisters

                                                              BE truth BE genuine BE beauty BE love

Whenever I found myself in THE fragile position...

"... I had picked up these characteristics/flaws along my passageway of life, as an innate coping mechanism, and I had made them part of my package deal. Whenever I found myself in the fragile position of having to entrust my heart to someone else, I would quietly back away.

But you know love is a funny thing. It doesn’t matter how solid or how high your wall [you know your protective barrier] when you fall in love it will be penetrated. Like an organized body of troops has just stormed and invaded your private space, it will be penetrated."    Chapter:1 pg 49

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When We are made to feel good...

Isn't it curiously funny how when many of us are made to feel good OR special by word or deed; a full-grown woman, feeling content, will take on childlike behavior? We began batting our eyelashes [bashful in manner] becoming giddy - wanting to cuddle with our man - nudging nose to cheek while speaking in a gentle tone so soft and smooth it would shame a firm stick of butter.

Feeling like a young school girl sitting on the front stoop of a red-brick brownstone on a hot sticky summer day… - feet swinging, fashioning two ponytails [A pink ribbon on each] yellow ankle sox, canvass whites, denim shorts, and a pink-tee with a young Michael Jackson plastered across the front. Deliberate in your inspection of each lick of your favorite flavored ice cream cone “mmmmm” delightful. Chapter 1 | pg 12

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Many of our lives have been interrupted or shattered by broken relationships...

Having Tea With My Sisters

Author: Pamella Coffey

www.Havingteawithmysisters.com
www.facebook.com/HTWMS

"Many of our lives have been interrupted or shattered by broken relationships...

We find ourselves picking up the pieces alone while trying very hard to put our lives back in order because we allowed ourselves to totally trust in And rely on a man – for what we expected and hoped to be – complete and total fulfillment. Impossible!

Impossible and unfair to expect or Ask of any man outside of God,Himself, and Him you won’t have to ask.

Please don't misinterpret my comments as “man bashing”; oh no… contra’, that is not my intent. I absolutely adore men, and I love being in a relationship with a man who is deserving of my love.
Being in love, loving someone, and having someone love you back is a beautiful thing. Actually I believe it to be a blessing.. And it should be honored as such" .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..  Chapter: 1 | pg: 40, 41

Ladies we are amazing creatures...

"Ladies, we are amazing creatures. We are strong human vessels; God created us this way. Just take a moment to examine your life. Think back… look at some of the trials you have come through And out – and the great accomplishments you have made – some of which you had almost given up on..."

"I believe in living on purpose! I am convinced my purpose was not to be birthed into this world ‘drawing the breath of life’ to simply muddle thru life with no consciousness… offering nothing and giving nothing back; taking withdrawals and leaving no deposit!"      
www.Havingteawithmysisters.com
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BE beautiful! It's your birthright!

My creativity is not in competition with my neighbors' (in other words, my creativity is not in competition with my sisters') And just as I am certain my creativity cannot be authentically duplicated (and I am certain of that thank God) neither can my sisters'... No worries there.

I am so very comfortable with who I am And what I have to offer *smilin'* therefore I do not look at my sister (who Is also Shining) and began to question my position... 

FOR ME... IF there is a time when I feel a tinge of any of the following: un-confident; uncertain; insecure; doubtful; inhibited; OR timid... I simply stiffen my spin And hold-fast to who I am. 

I would like to encourage some And remind others "we EACH OF US are unique complex And beautiful in our own individual right" ... ... ... http://www.Havingteawithmysisters.com

Remember after YOU the mold was broken. And what YOU have to offer NO one else can *wink*

Love And Peace

Shine Bright likeA Diamond...

There will be times when peeps will want you to hide your light underA bushel. 

I would like to encourage you to shine... SHINE brighter *wink*  Author Pamella Coffey "Having Tea With My Sisters" 

Additionally, please check out my Facebook pg: https://www.facebook.com/HTWMS

Having Tea With My Sisters...

http://www.havingteawithmysisters.com/

YOU enjoy my blogs ??? YOU will looooove my book *wink*

Absolute Best Regards!
Author: Pamella Coffey

Echoes...

echoes in the chamber of our heart

has there ever been a time when you knew it was best to end a relationship but the words "I love you".. "I'm sorry".. "I need you".. "It won't happen again".. "It was a mistake; will you forgive me".. "You're the ONE I love".. "I'll try harder".. "We belong together".. etc, etc, etc.. kept echoing in the chamber of your heart over And over And over again?.. And somehow those words were on playback for several months or even years.. .. somehow that bond had been broken And there was an obvious disconnect.. .. somehow "I love you" just wasn't enough anymore?.. Have you gotten to place - yet - where you realize it takes more than love?.. ||A connection is Awesome ||Um good chemistry is Fabulous WHEN you combine |/love |/a good connect |/and fabulous chemistry.. you're own your way BUT you hav2 to know that there's STILL work.. .. .. a work that takes two willing partners!.. daaaaats IF a committed relationship is what you're looking for.. IF not "carry on" BUT here's a suggestion: save yourself for someone who is worthy - don't haphazardly give your love away!.. it's much too precious *wink* 

I know.. I know.. some of you may look at me as an old-fogey-stogie *lol* 
well.. first.. "I'm not" *lol* but really, one of the simplest truths I can share with you is when you truly know how to love yourself - you will better know how to love others And discern who is worthy And deserving of your love.. it's knowing your love is a 'precious' gift !!! it's notA offering or donation !!!.. .. you hold on to it until the Receiver is worthy of such a gift.. .. .. .. EVEN with the occasional slip\mistake - KNOW - your self worth      

I certainly haven't given up on love *unt uh NEVER* I simply slam the door on heartache !!! And then I just walk away *double wink* haha

All you need is a whisper ~~~~ > "I love myself".. add some reverb to that And it will drown out all that other nonsense*lol* it seems we sometimes waste too much time on empty words broken promises And shallow intent. I've said - a million times - I believe loving someone And having someone love you back is a beautiful thing; it's yummy; eat it up *smile* it's the NOT really knowing how to love ourselves THAT is the bigger issue.

Divinely effortless!

thankful the totality of my truth is not found in the words of another; my beauty is not shown solely inA mirror; my joy is not contingent on circumstance; my peace is not realized only in certain environments... ... ...  And my love is endless. yep!.. thankful to my Creator

when we are divinely connected with who we Are - our actions behavior And conversation is rarely forced... ... ... RATHER it is divinely effortless.

to the abused child :: the awkward tween ** the insecure teen ** the impulsive young adult ** the unstable adult (at certain times I've been each of the above) please know with all certainty that though you did not write the beginning of your story... you Are, most certainly, the author And publisher of the end!... ... ... leave behind a good quality of LIFE leaving precious nuggets scattered along your way :: knowledge, good judgment, An open window of insightfulness And truth... ... ... receiving And offering the gift of love compassion And understanding. I encourage you to encourage the young girl who seems to be full of anger; the young lady who has a heavy heart; the adult who is full of disappointment(s); the elderly woman who is all alone... a simple act that could saveA life *smile* someone is looking forA word *believe it*

Staying true to me!

1."Whenever I feel A waver in my character - I simply stiffen my spin"

2."I carry Integrity with me as I would saaaaay my lipstick & photo ID"

These are two of my favorite personal quotes And they serve as constant reminders... I've learned that sometimes we have to 'speak A word' to ourselves!.. I believe spoken words coupled with - forward - progressive actions And positive precepts  =  A lifestyle layered with opportunities And healthy growth. 

Moving through life... I - And perhaps you as well - have found myself in certain situations... I/we may have been thrust into A foreign and/or dubious environment... there may have been A-time-or-two when we were called upon to give a truthful account of our actions... perhaps we've said something that has been 'called to carpet' because of someone's hurt feelings...

There are open windows of opportunity for us to:: turn our head And look in the other direction; turn a 'deaf ear' to something that was said; maintain a closed mouth - when every inward impulse is urging us speak up And speak out... Doesn't it feel great when we act on these open windows of opportunity in a manner that shines as a staple of integrity? *smilin*

I knooooooow I don't get it all right - all - of time !!! but I'm thankful I am not blinded by self-denial or complacent And comfortable with shallow or stunted mental physical And spiritual growth. I'm even happier I am not bound by indignation or held back by self righteousness - casting a judgmental eye And pointing a judgmental finger... I love the idea of continually working on self And I am so very thankful for the opportunity.

Pamella @PoodleTweeting

Positive Precepts... precious priceless dynamic And undeniable

As full grown woman SOME of us occasionally look to be reminded that we are unique complex And beautiful in our own individual right. And we are - all of that - Each of us! 

But, take a second to think about this, if we sometimes find ourselves looking for reassurance And affirmation... imagine how confused lost And uncertain SOME of our daughters nieces, And the younger generation as a whole, are.

I mean IF we as mothers aunts etc., don't realize how precious priceless dynamic And undeniable we are, how can we expect the young-ins to know who And what they are? 

We're surprised when we see them putting value on big behinds thick thighs And large breast... And - yes - all of that is lovely - BUT shouldn't she know that it's her inner development that truly determines her self worth?.. Priceless!

And as not to offend anyone, I'm certain many of us already realize this (I mean I'm not blogging about anything any sensible woman don't already know) BUT we must question THEN why - IF there ARE so many of us who "already know this" - do we have so many of our youth who are uncertain of who they are || of how they should present themselves || of what their true value really is || or what direction they should go?.. And I'm speaking of a multitude not just 1 or 2.

- We shake our heads when we see them 'Twerk' (sensually dancing)

- We cover our mouth point our finger And whisper when we see them scantily dressed

  

Rather than sit in judgment of what we think is improper - wouldn't it be more productive to enrich a young girls life?.. Do you have the desire to let one two three, OR MORE, know they are precious jewels?.. Wouldn't you much rather wrap them with words of loving kindness And say to them "You are beautiful"... "May I teach you how to better love yourself"... "You are amazing; let's direct your thoughts And actions toward a substanial future"... "the love you're searching for - must first be realized - inside of you - not simply in a mirror" ... ... ...

I am primarily concerned withA solution (I lay judgement and finger pointing aside) I welcome the opportunity to communicate - love - through action, deed, verbal And written expression *smile*

"Each one Teach one"... An old African Proverb that can certainly be reintroduced And utilized today *smile* IF you too havA voice And desire to share, leave your comment here, or hit me up @PoodleTweeting     "Effective communication in love" Poodle


Excerpt "Having Tea with My Sisters"
"It is absolutely imperative that we initiate a positive developmental pattern, in our youth, instilling a certain level of morality and positive precepts in our sons, daughters, and younger generation as a whole. Our children are our future – a cliché – but true nonetheless..."

SB: THIS post was Inspired by Jada Pinkett-Smith

GET comfy with yourself SO you can be comfortable with others!

Because I choose to love 'freely' does not mean I choose to love 'frivolously' it simply means I choose to be open to that agape wondrous - easy - type of love *smile*

I'm perplexed - honestly - why do we find it easier to dislike or have disdain for another because they look different?.. we turn up our top lip because they dress differently... we throw our nose in the air because they think or believe differently... we snicker And whisper because they talk differently... we mock them because their behavior is different. Why? Geeze. 

IT stems from insecurity... Don't hinder yourself... Don't allow yourself to operate in insecurity. Get comfortable with - who you are - so you can be comfortable with who THEY are!.. that other crap is old And tiring... Life is all about choice - choose to move forward *wink*

Call me a modern day flower child IF you will BUT I find it much easier to spread love not hate!.. And then - I just keep it movin' *double wink*

grace mercy And maturity...

I woke this morn... THANKFUL for adding another year of LIFE to my date of birth :: 20th April ::
I tweeted (@PoodleTweeting) something that resonated very well with me... so much so that I thought I would blog simple And sweet, today, communicating that same message *smilin'*



"grace mercy And maturity gently hands us the opportunity to say simple things like "I apologize"... "I understand"... "I forgive you"... "I was wrong | you were right"... "I love you"... And I must say... I am thankful And grateful for the opportunity... I've learned that every day above ground is an added day of opportunity #thankful poodle

I love my Kinky hair!

 
Okay! So my hair is thick And it’s a little kinky

- what you don't realize is - these locs… THESE Curls... hold decades of African Culture & history.

Since you don’t know maybe I outta tell you so

   I‘m a queen - And you - you are a king

   It's my praises you should sing.

Extol Me... ... You I will raise high… high Black above the sky

The young Black mind needs to be trained,

The intellect refined

Worthy of love... of elevation

Not ignorance demoralization or humiliation

We must learn to invigorate and stimulate wealth and Power of the mind.

            Wait a minute *shhh* Listen...

 :: a person or thing having great influence, force, or authority
 :: Power defined

Love me your Sister… ... Admire my wide spread eyes and beautiful brown skin. Tarin me down should be a sin... ... ... Let the love you have for a sister - all sisters - be positively communicated

                                                                      partial Excerpt: "Having Tea with My Sisters"

Technology ||The illusion of b'g connected...

There, at one time, was the notional idea that technology could keep us ALL connected. How brilliant!.. Really. It was!.. And it Does... :: or :: Does it?

Online social network(s) like: Facebook | Twitter | Linkedin | my[------]space | Google + etc

I am connected to all, but one, of the sites listed... Aaaaand I must say, each site (in addition to many others) do an incredible job of keeping US connected - And THEY make A heap of money - doing so *wink to all the folks who've become rich because of online social networks* 

Personally I am overjoyed when I'm able to connect with A family member, via fb etc, who has perhaps migrated hundreds of miles away (or vise versa) and/or has not attended a family event in years... classmates who I've not seen, or spoken to, since high school college And; SOME as far back as; grammar school... former church members... childhood friends... Ex boyfriends... And the list goes on ~

I think initially many of us feel the same way... ... ... we get excited; endorphin levels are raised... ... ... And we start pecking away at our keyboards = peck peck peck peck Ping peck peck peck* we start sharing a barrage of comments | pics | well wishes... we send shout out(s) And internet xo's... we exchange home & cellphone #'s... some of us make plans to see each other face2face And look forward to the opportunity to exchange real conversation... we plan lunch dates, dinner dates, And reply "yes" or "maybe" to online invites... ... ... And then - often times - that's all it turns out to be... ... ... a "plan" WITH GOOD INTENTIONS... ... ... an idea or notion that was formulated And put in motion but hijacked with no real follow thru or effort... SOMETIMES communication is slowed or, somehow, stopped... ... ... And then - we are further updated - through statuses, online pics, And flyers in our online news feeds -- phone calls are not exchanged -- our planned outings are rescheduled, post-phoned, or they just never happen *sigh* And you know; well; life goes on *deeper sigh* lol

"k.i.t = keep it touch" was scribbled in the back of year books, on class ribbons, on the backs of pictures And hand written letters... Um *clearing my throat* but for ole schoolers, like me,  k.i.t has been upgraded to :: 

bb4N = bye bye for now
imy = I  miss you
hmll = hit my line later
tml = text me later
ttys = talk to you soon
lyl = love you later And the list goes on ~

I've learned a connection - virtual or actual - isA connection... I love connecting with people... I've also learned, And I'm personally reminded, that it's THAT *Real *Actual *Tangible connection that is most important. We just have to put forth the effort to maintain one *wink wink* double wink  poodle