"coming from a history of ................................ I had developed my own defense mechanism and it had become part of my package. So in addition to my good attributes – when triggered – you would have to deal with my occasionally defensive and, at times, standoffish behavior.
My ex, for example, mentioned on several occasions how he did not understand how such a loving person could also, at times, be so emotionally restricted.
Restricted? I did not understand. I would scowl my brow and ponder my mind asking myself, “What did I do now? What the hell is this man talking about?” You see I had lived this thing for so long, still carrying some of the emotional injuries I suffered at the hands of my abusers, that I did not recognize how defensive and, at times, limited I could be in my personal relationship[s]. I simply saw my behavior as being that of the behavior of a strong Black woman; dealing with situations as they presented themselves and not dealing with anything that would jeopardize my safety position of control.
HA!... lol *a piece of work*I had picked up these characteristics/flaws along my passageway of life, as an innate coping mechanism, and I had made them part of the package deal. Whenever I found myself in the fragile position of having to entrust my heart to someone else, I would quietly back away." Excerpt from "Having Tea with My Sisters"
NOW... years later... I am so thankful for growth... life happens; unfortunately for some; EVEN when we are just babes [Selah] I think one important key to life IS always being open to growth... mentally | physically | spiritually! Poodle
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